Another day

Wow - two days in a row with time on my hands. Definitely a shock to my system.

This year was the first Christmas, in several years, that I didn't have to work. So I spent it with a very dear friend who beat ovarian cancer this year.

We have known each other for 45 years come next month. That is a long time in human years let alone cat years. There have been times we have fallen out of touch and then all of sudden we are drawn back to each other and it is like we never missed a beat.

We can make each other laugh till we are crying and discuss things like the TV program Ancient Aliens.

Where I started out the science/psychology major and found spirituality, she started out moderately religious and found her path to spirituality as well. While I find meditation a must do, for her meditation doesn't pair well with her attention deficit. It is hard to focus on breathing when there are bright shiny objects. Our joke has been "oh look a squirrel".

She is an excellent dancer and I have murdered more men's feet then ill fitting shoes.

I had the best Christmas I could possibly have. Friendship, laughter and love. 

How can life get so out of hand

It never ceases to amaze me how out of hand life can get. Just when I think all is well life just jumps up and smacks me upside the head.

The last two months at work have been that way. People leaving, people on vacation and just me to cover. I went beyond toast. I was to the stage that I could be carbon dated. I kept holding to thinking positive. Everything was going to come together in a way that would benefit everyone.

And then it started. A person slated to be laid off from another department was transferred over. Another who had applied a few months back, but was hired by another company, contacted me to see if I was still hiring. One of the graveyard folks wanted to come to days real bad but no one was applying for that position. Then all of a sudden here was a person who actually wanted that specific shift and nights. Everything began to come together beyond my wildest dreams.

 I kept thinking that things would all come together - they did. 

Now I am focusing on my two passions - travel and photography. I got into being a part-time travel agent to help me afford to travel. I love to travel so I can take pictures. Now to start thinking about making that my new career. Power of positive thinking. Let's see how long it takes.

Post election

Another day has dawned. For many it isn't what they hoped for. I know it wasn't in my wildest dreams. But life goes on. I have animals to feed and care for. A job that, maybe isn't the best, but it provides me a paycheck.

Some are wringing their hands and saying now what. Well I know for myself what I will now be doing. I will be focusing on the bright light of Spirit within me to guide me through what will be ahead. I don't know what is ahead of us. I don't foresee the total devastation of the civilized world as some feel. I don't think it will be a kinder or gentler place as one of our former presidents hoped for. But I will live my life with that focus. I will focus on kindness and gentleness. I will lift up my spirit to a higher calling. I will use my Tarot and Oracle cards to keep me aligned with that purpose. When I read for others I will hold that in my heart that my readings will speak true and with kindness and gentleness.

Each of us is required to make things work. Reach within and find that spark of Spirit that you can share with others. Let us shine that light for others to see by.

Life can be rough

Can't believe it has been over a month since I last posted. How time flies when you aren't having fun.

It has been a rough month.Short of staff at work. Volunteer commitments that were shear torture. RA flares. Bronchitis. You name it things happened.

There have been some days that were just a pain in my ass. On those days I can honestly say there wasn't anything positive that I could find.

But I kept plugging away. I refused to turn the rut into a grave. I kept meditating - although there were times it was like - what's the point.

But today is another day. Still short staffed but everything else has quieted down.

Keep hoping that staffing will resolve and that I will be able to spend Thanksgiving with my family for the first time since Bob crossed over. I am keeping very positive thoughts that will be the case.

Otherwise - life rolls on. No one ever said there wouldn't be bumps in it but man I can do without the boulders that someone dropped in it last month.

The size of the rut

There are times that I feel like my life is stuck in a rut. Same song - different verse. Over and over. Doesn't matter if I change things it just keeps going along the way it was.

Seems to be the way things have been going here lately. Improve my eating habits - weight stays the same. Increase my workout - weight stays the same. Hope that health improves from changes - nope - come down sick, break a tooth and things like that.

Darn. Of course frustration sets in and I almost threw up my hands.

But then I read something that made me stop and think. The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Well okay then. I may be in a rut but I am sure not in a grave. So there is still hope.

Where are you at in the depth of your rut?

Laughter

Over time numerous studies have backed up the quote "laughter is the best medicine". Sometimes we laugh out of embarrassment or because we are uncomfortable in a situation. So those situations don't count.

But actually laughing at a funny movie or comedian releases tension. Laughing with friends not only releases tension but also brings a closeness.

I can remember sitting up one night till the wee hours of the morning joking and laughing with an old roommate. I don't remember what we were laughing about all those years ago but when she and I vacationed together almost a year ago we found ourselves laughing over silly things all over again. One night in a restaurant we were laughing so hard we both had our makeup streaming down our faces mixed in with our tears.

I don't have many friends like her. We just sync it seems like. Might not have seen or talked in years but then we are back together and it is like we haven't been apart. We can laugh over the simple things as well as the complex. We have seen each other at our best and our worst.

Think of the last time you and a friend had a good laugh. Maybe it is time to do it again?

Death

It was 3 years ago yesterday that was the last time Bob hugged me and I heard him say he loved me with his physical voice. Tomorrow will be the third anniversary of his crossing over.

Life - so precious and fragile. These last few days have been hard. I know Bob is still with me. He sends me signs that can't be mistaken. But it isn't the same. I so miss the hugs. The closeness. Having someone to come home to and discuss what happened that day at work. Just having him there gave me strength.

The summer of 2012 he had complained that it felt like winter. It was a warm summer but looking back I believe he was talking about his life. The quality was slipping away and there was no desire left for quantity.

I laugh at the antics of the kittens and at the same time I am sad that they never knew Bob. He so loved our cats. Many have joined him these last couple of years. He loved to play with the laser light and the cats. Watching them fly down the hall and up the wall at the end would keep him and them busy for at least a half an hour.

Each year that goes by it is a little easier to deal with this time of the year. But it also brings more realizations of the things I miss the most.

I am glad that I know Bob is still with me. I think grief would have taken a real toll if I hadn't realized this. A friend who lost her husband exactly 8 months to the day prior to Bob leaving had a real rough time. Her husband came to both her daughter and to me with messages for her. Today she commented that he never comes to her. This is a woman whose mind chatters. It goes 90 miles an hour in a million directions. I reminded her of what he asked me to tell her. "Shut up and listen." If she could quiet her mind I am sure he would stop by for a chat.

Death - there is no such thing as death to the soul. It lives on. But death brings the loss of the closeness and physical touch.

Take a moment to hug someone you love. Absorb that closeness into your soul. For tomorrow you may not have it ever again.

Worth

So I have been reading about "worth".

Now this isn't in the context of material worth, although it can relate to that in some ways. This is about how you perceive your "worth".

Do you see yourself as being worthy? Do you feel you are worthy of love, joy, happiness and yes, even material worth?

As I have been reading about this concept I  have come to realize how many people I know who, in some way, define themselves as being unworthy. "I'm overweight - so no one will want a person who is overweight." Right there is the concept of thinking yourself unworthy. Everyone is worthy of love. Short, tall, skinny, fat, healthy, disabled. It doesn't matter. You deserve and need love.

"I don't have a college degree so I don't deserve to make good money." Hogwash. I have known folks who started out flipping burgers, stuck with the company and wound up managing an individual restaurant. I have also known folks who have a college degree and don't even work in their field.

Every morning get up and look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worthy of whatever you are seeking. Close your eyes and really feel it deep down in your soul. Don't just say the words "I am worthy" - feel the words. Absorb the words. Make them a part of you.

"I am worthy" and so are you!

Ugh Days

Yesterday was an ugh day. Now I'm not talking cold and dreary and having to wear UGG boots. I'm talking about one of those days where just getting out of bed is a chore.

The night before I couldn't get to sleep. Two Benadryls didn't even phase me. It was like I had consumed a pot of espresso before I went to bed. Midnight came and went. Last time I looked at the clock it was 1 AM. I slept through my alarm at 3:30 AM and woke up at 4:15 AM. Oh to be able to call off work but that couldn't happen.

So rolling out of bed I trudge out to the kitchen and the cats are so delighted that breakfast is finally served. Doesn't matter that there were maybe 10 kibbles missing out of each of their bowls. They were absolutely sure they were going to starve.

A glass of ice tea and hopes that might get me going. Not! Now I need to get in gear so I can get ready to leave for work. Drop my bowl of yogurt and granola on the floor. Cats get a treat. Start all over. Eat real fast to make up time. Oh no - acid reflux. Find the Tums. Curling iron won't come on. Great the breaker is tripped and won't reset. Didn't get to meditate. Brain is in burnt toast mode.

Finally heading out the door to a cloudy day. Ugh. About a mile into my drive I come upon a doe and her fawn. They don't go running off like usual. Instead they stand there looking at me after I stopped. Of course my phone is on the other seat of my truck and as I reach for it the doe and fawn move off into the trees.

Yes it was an ugh day. Had to work real hard to keep from doing a face plant on my desk but the memory of the doe and her fawn gave me something to focus on.

Something positive in an otherwise ugh day.

Love

Four letters. One word. Yet it says so much. Love of family, love of life, love of food. Everyone loves something or someone.

But let's go a little further with love. What if you looked at situations with the thought of "how would love handle this". Visualize in your mind a situation and love having a physical form. Now visualize how love would handle the situation. Love wouldn't yell or scream. It wouldn't strike out or call names. It would show compassion. It would reach out and hug. It would cherish and hold on to that which is dear.

In a positive universe we would react to situations the way love would. I'm not saying negative things wouldn't happen. Imagine getting a diagnosis from your doctor that isn't what you wanted to hear. There may be tears and disbelief. Anger and/or sorrow. Yet let your heart love you. Know that if love had form it would be there to dry your tears and hug you. It would just be there by your side to give you strength.

In your darkest hour let love be there for you.

Love is in the air

Love!? Each of us experiences love in a different way in the various aspects of our lives. From the love of something special to eat to the love of someone dear to us. Each is different.

I love escargot. To me a pizza isn't a pizza without anchovies. Family and friends who dine with me often shake their heads. I was raised to at least try something once and then I can say I don't like. And yes there are some things that won't ever pass my lips again.

I love my cats. They bring me joy when I watch them play or they snuggle to me.

I loved my late husband. He was and still is my soul-mate.

I love a beautiful sunrise or that frosty snow on trees and grass that sparkles in the early morning sun.

Each of these things is love but in different degrees.

But each of these things pale in the presence of loving one's self.

Can you honestly say you love yourself in every way shape and form. I can't. Not yet at least. I don't love myself when I flip someone off who just cut me off on the highway. I am angry at them but I don't need to be a jerk as well. Instead I should remember to wish them a safe journey where ever they are going.

I am becoming more comfortable with my body image. Heck it has gotten me this far in life, so it is going to have a few knuckle bumps and creases. I keep plugging away looking in the mirror and saying I love you body and soul.

On the road to a positive universe love is a critical part. Kind of like gas for your car.

You aren't going to get very far without gas or love in your journey.

Faith

Faith a small, simple word. But having faith can be so profound in a person's life. Each of us has faith that the sun will come up tomorrow - that is a given. Most of us don't have much faith in our local weather people -;).

But deep down faith? Faith in humanity? Faith that all will be well for ourselves and our families? Faith in our jobs?

These areas of our lives are where we need the greatest faith if we are going to find a positive universe. We need to first and foremost have faith in ourselves. We must know deep within our hearts that how we live our lives is not only in our best interests but others as well.

Each morning when I start my meditation I begin with a simple statement that was shared by author, singer and oracle Colette Baron-Reid. "Thy will be done through me for the highest good of all and for the true manifestation of my purpose." By focusing on allowing the will of Spirit to follow through and help us with our daily actions so that they are for everyone's highest good we are focusing on a positive universe for not just ourselves but all those we come in contact with.

Each day I go forth with the faith that my actions will be in harmony with the highest good that is meant for all of us. Each day as I travel further down the path that Spirit has designed for me I find myself knowing in my heart that I have faith. Faith in humanity and mankind! Faith in the well being of my family and friends! Faith that no matter what I work at it will be the manifestation of my own Divine good and Divine good for those I come in contact with.

I have faith that those who read this will know in some way that Divine spark of Spirit in their lives as well.

Such a simple expression of faith.

Negative to positive

Talking with a friend recently who has been dealing with chemo. Cancer is such a negative thing. It can literally destroy not only the person but the family.

And yet here is my friend talking about how she looks forward to her weekly chemo because the cancer center has such good food. She uses ginger to control any nausea so has had a good appetite. She found a wig that was a color and cut that she would have never tried but found out it looked fantastic on her. Every time I talk with her she is upbeat and talking about all the positive things going on.

Her family and friends are all pulling for her. She makes us laugh. Her light shines on all of us and gives us the ability to find positive in the mundane things in our lives. 

There are many things that occur to a person that there is no positive in. Many of the tragedies that have occurred in the last few weeks are perfect examples. Families losing spouses and children. Friends losing friends. But in our darkest hour if we can just find one glimmer of hope. One tiny glimmer of a positive.

If you have someone you know struggling with a heart breaking ordeal, be that glimmer of positive. Take them to coffee. Offer to help around the house. Do something that can give them a life line to hold onto. Be the positive in their life.

Hate and distrust

Today the news was heart breaking. As an empathy it tears at my soul to see the level of hate, distrust and violence that is tearing at the seams of our world.

It is almost as if a plague has swept through and infected huge numbers in our populations across the global. How can we survive if this continues? How do we find a positive universe?

It is within each of us that the key to change is held. Each of us carries within our hearts part of the Divine spark that links us to every living thing. We must nurture that spark and allow it to reawaken. We need to reach out and offer comfort and solace to others. But most important we must remember the Golden Rule. Each of us is entitled to dignity and respect from others.

Hold love in your heart for the victims of these senseless killings.

A simple meditation

Meditation is not something that most people can just sit down and do. I am far from an expert on meditation. But today I thought I would share a very simple meditation that can get a person started.

Meditation is about quieting the mind. Most of us have monkey brain - a constant chatter about anything and everything. It can be very difficult to this noise off.

So let's begin.

Find some place quiet and comfortable to sit. I'm not one who can sit cross-legged on the floor. Not happening at my age - at least not without someone who can help me stand back up. But if you find that comfortable by all means. 

Since this is a very short and simple meditation you can set the timer on your phone for say 5 minutes. Five minutes will probably be longer than you can maintain if you are just starting out so don't worry. Be sure to put the phone on airplane mode. No phone calls or texts!

I always start in a prayer position with my hands together at the heart level and my eyes closed. I thank Spirit for the abundance in all areas of my life and hold that thought for a moment. If you are one who has no deity then just take a moment to appreciate what you have in your life.

Lower your hands to your lap and begin to relax. Starting with your feet focus on a warm relaxing feeling moving up your body to the top of your head. As you relax start paying attention to your breathing. If it helps focus on the word Breathe. Continue to focus as long as you can on your breathing and the word breathe. If a thought pops in imagine a broom sweeping it away.

If you are only able to accomplish a minute that is great. Next time go for 75 seconds. Every little bit counts with meditation.

As I said - I'm not an expert. But if you have a minute google advantages of meditation and you can see why I believe in it.

Positive thoughts on health

An individual's health can be a touchy subject. What for one is a crippling illness maybe nothing to another. Each of us have different pain thresholds and coping mechanisms.

My late husband was a Type 1 diabetic. Until his last couple of years he rarely let the disease slow him down. He often said the disease lived with him - not the other way around.

I deal with rheumatoid arthritis. I consider myself very lucky in the fact that my doctors and I have kept it pretty controlled. My meditation has also helped me to focus on feeling good.

So that brings me to facing a disease, injury or illness with positive thoughts. I know a person who is constantly complaining about every single ache and pain. People actually try to avoid her because an entire conversation can revolve around the newest aches. There is never anything positive in any of the conversations with her. If a person read a short list of all of her ailments they would wonder how she is still alive. On the other hand I know another person who is living with MS. Rarely, if ever do they talk about their physical health. This person's life revolves around all the positive things going on in their life.

Can focusing only on the negative health issues bring on more of the same. The old adage "mind over matter" has been proven in many health instances where people in medical trials respond well to the placebo. Their minds possibly have the ability to change the physical aspects of their body. So in the same way a person who only focuses on negative health could easily bring on more health issues.

I know from my own experience that if I focus on feeling sick it tends to snow ball. So I find it easier to focus on feeling good and shrug off those times that aren't up to the level I want to be at.

Does this mean I heal faster? Not always. The broken bone in my foot is proof of that. Can cancer be cured through positive thoughts? Some people swear it happened to them. I am not to that level of belief yet but I am keeping my thoughts open to it.

Mind over matter - can matter.

Gratitude

This morning was one of those days where my back up alarm had to go off since my primary alarm never even fazed me. This is on a radio station that doesn't come in well on a good day so most of the time it is static. It is turned all the way up. Well, today it came in crystal clear and I am shocked out of bed by male voices in my bedroom. That will definitely get your attention.

As I drug myself out of bed I grumbled and whined. I walked into the kitchen and my cats were waiting to be feed - and not very nicely. I grumbled and whined some more. And then one of the cats came up, set in front of me and placed one paw on my leg. It was almost like she was picking up on my feelings and saying "stop - it's okay."

And it really was. I don't know why the alarm set me in that kind of mood. No reason for it at all. And as I reached down to pet my cat I found I was grateful for this simple gesture of love.

When I set down to meditate I began going through my mind the things I was grateful for in the last 24 hours. Esmeralda's simple action was high on the list. Sure the sunrise the day before was spectacular. Shades of pinks and reds foretold the rain that would be coming later. The air was cold, for a July morning, but extremely clean smelling. I had an excellent steak for dinner. My vacuum cleaner didn't plug up (a first for the cantankerous thing). There were many other things in the 24 hours that I listed. But none equaled a small paw that reminded me that life was good.

Of course it could have been her way of saying feed me now.

What are you grateful for today?

Meditation

As I slowly began to find my way on this path there were many ups and downs. It was a constant roller coaster ride. Nothing there to cling to and it began to eat my lunch.

Then one day I got one of those unsolicited emails. The kind you normally hit the spam button on. It was about meditation. Specifically the company Zen12. For some reason I was drawn to open this email and once again Spirit and synchronicity struck.

What could be more simple than listening to a guided meditation. So I ordered it. Hey 12 minutes a day - piece of cake.

Not with my monkey brain chattering away. My first month was a constant running dialog of things to do and chatter as I tried to clear my mind. Running in the background of the guided meditation is a brainwave entrainment to help your brain learn the brain wave patterns to reach a deeper meditative state. By the second month of repeating the first month's program I was starting to finally see progress. There was still the laundry list of things to do going on but I was finding more instances of quiet.

Now 2 plus years later I have found how to turn off (most of the time) that chattering monkey. I still use the Zen12 program and I do that for 20 minutes a day. I also do other meditations throughout the day. It brings to me a sense of peace. There was a time last year when I fell off the meditation wagon for 4 months and life quickly began to spiral out of control. Actually my life was the same but my perception was different. Once I got back to meditating the calm reentered my life.

My life is still a roller coaster. But now things don't bother me like they did. I am able to face things with a lot calmer outlook.  

From WebMD meditation can reduce stress, improve blood pressure and improve the immune system. Here is the link to that page: http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/meditation-heals-body-and-mind

So there is that elusive time thing again. Do you have 20 minutes a day? I always find my 20 minutes. It is me time. Time to heal, relax and find my positive.

Time

Time - something we value but usually have little of - or so it seems.

It is hard to not want something to happen right now. And that is the same for changing the areas of our lives where we want more abundance or positive outcomes.

As I began down this path I began to read more articles and books about the power of positive thinking, law of abundance, manifesting, etc. Some made it sound like all you had to do was form the image in your mind and poof - there it was.

That isn't the case. You can sit there imagining a million dollars dropping into your lap all you want and it just isn't going to happen. I have read all these articles and then read comments by folks that have spent a fortune on these self-help manifesting programs without achieving anything,  So what is wrong?

I found what is true for me all comes down to my outlook. Since my husband crossed over things made some pretty dramatic changes. Finances changed dramatically, chores he did are now mine plus my chores and there is the empty spot next to you.

As time passes the empty spot next to me is still there but my heart feels joy - not in my loss but in the time I had with him. The chores are still there but some get done and some may never get done - it depends on my time and how I want to spend it. Finances are still there but as I map out areas I see the light at the end of the tunnel and thank Spirit it isn't a train. I don't stress.

I find a way to see positive in all areas of my life now. What was a chore to find 5 things a day is now hundreds of things - sometimes in an hour.

And as I find ways to see positive I am encountering more positive.

It all comes down to time and baby steps. Take the time.

Finding my path

When my husband began his new journey I lost my best friend. We could spend hours on road trips talking about life and anything else. Thirty seven years of talking and sharing - gone. What to do? How do I find my way. So many things to do. The first month was busy with dealing with insurance, Social Security, VA and all the many things a surviving spouse must go through. It can be overwhelming at times. And yet there was a certain peace that seemed to prevail in my spirit. Granted, talking to our cats wasn't the same as talking to Bob but at least they don't argue.

Friends find it hard to reach out to a grieving spouse. What to say? How to act? Should we invite them to go to dinner with several couples? So my advice - don't say anything - just give them a meaningful hug. Act natural - we are dealing with enough unnatural in our lives at the time. And yes - ask us to dinner - if we are up to socializing we will say yes - otherwise we will take a rain check. It is hard enough to adapt to single life again without feeling ostracized by those you have called friend . (And watch out for those taxes - ouch).

As the weeks passed I felt more and more at peace. Was grief waiting to sneak up and knock me down? And then I began to realize that my spirit was finding the positive. Bob and I will always be together. That is just the way it is. I hear his voice at times when I need it the most. But in those first few weeks I hadn't reached that realization. Then things began to pop up. Synchronicity was at work.

First an article about the power of positive thinking. Uh huh - where was the positive. Financial worries, loss of companionship and numerous other things were all clamoring with doom and gloom. But that small sense of peace kept leading me to more articles of the same. So finally - what the heck - I will try it.

Small steps - find 5 things each day that I was grateful for and 5 things that were positive that day. A beautiful sunrise, a funny joke, a tasty brownie. Each day a new set of things. And then one day I began to notice there were way more things than 5 of each.

And I had found the path. 

A journey

A positive universe. Sounds like an oxymoron.

Back in early 2013 nothing in my universe was positive. My husband of 37 years was hospitalized. He was now blind and couldn't walk. Life was turned upside down. I was juggling a job, a ranch and making a 6 hour round trip to spend time with him weekly. Of course everything that could break - broke. I got stuck in my driveway so many times that winter due to heavy snow that one night coming home I set there and cried for half an hour before trudging up to the house. I had 3 llamas killed by wolves - which according to Fish and Game don't live in Colorado. Sorry I saw them - you didn't. Each step was a chore.

Then one night I had woke up to a very loud voice telling me to go to Sedona. Scared the you know what out of me. Did I hear a voice - lay quietly and listen to house sounds. Nothing. Must have been dreaming. Why in heavens name would I go to some place named Sedona. Anyway where the heck was Sedona?

The next day I posted it to Facebook and had several friends begin to tell me all the "whys" of going to Sedona and where it was located at. Yeah, but I can't get the time away or spend the money. A friend say hey "I'll go with you. And I have a Prius hybrid. Oh, and by the way a neighbor said we can stay in her winter home down there."

So in July off we went for a whirlwind trip. A day down and back and two days to sight see. But I was still trying to figure out why.

The first night down there once again I am awakened by a voice saying to find a piece of jewelry with lapis and amethyst. Not funny. But once again my friend was saying we can hike in the early morning and then shop during the heat of the day. So that was what we did.

While hiking we stopped and were talking with a women who had been advised by her Oracle cards to hike that trail that day. So my question to her - "what the heck are oracle cards?" And so she explains and tells me I should get a deck. That afternoon I bought my first deck.

By the end of the second day no luck on the jewelry thing. I was beginning to think it had to be something that I ate.

The next day we took a different road out of Sedona. We stopped at a small rest area so my friend could walk her dog and there was an Indian market set up at one end. So we looked around and I asked a few of the vendors about lapis/amethyst jewelry. No one had anything. As we are walking back to the car an older Indian gentleman comes running up to me asking if I was the one looking for the lapis/amethyst jewelry. I said I was and he said he had a ring. As we walked back he was telling me how he had just gotten there. Usually he didn't come to this venue until August but something had been telling him to go in July and to take this specific ring. A beautiful handcrafted silver ring with lapis and amethyst. I looked at it and knew it was what I was looking for. But could I afford it. When he told me he would make me a deal since he felt something drew us together I wasn't sure I could even afford a deal for such a beautiful piece. And then he told me what he would take for it. It was lower than my wildest dream.

My husband began his new journey a month and a half later. And thus began my journey in search of a positive universe.